Balance c(o)urse

January 4 2009, Second step, spacial proposal

Ik had de idee van een zaal of klein kamer waar ik zal verschillende ramen of la’s (drawers) creeren en mee spelen. Ik heb het balance c(o)urse genomen want ik had gezien dat de zeven fotos maken een soort lijn of speel met balance, met evenwicht. Evenwicht is wat ik dor leven zoek en als ik in mijn verleden kijk, heriner ik hoe moelijk is om evenwicht te krijgen, eigelijk weet ik dat het niet bereikbaar is als een stabiel idee, ik zie het als iets heel gevoelig, en iets om altijd te zoeken, een eindeloss onderzoek!!! en elke momente van leven kunnen we zien hoe soms we daar zijn (in balance), soms in een kant, soms in de andere, dus dit ruimtelijk voorstel is en ruimte met verschillende ramen (Sommige virtuel en sommige “echt”) in deze evenwicht speel, sometimes a course, sometimes a curse. Maar vooral de les dat dingen in mij leven kunnen lichter zijn, het kan meer een spel zijn, leven geef ons wat we nodig hebben in iedere geval, dus ik zal meer dat up-and-down gevoel voelen en daarme spelen!

Dit is de algemeene kaart, in de linker kant de algemeene ideen, dan van boven links clockwise de zeven sketches met worden en tekeningns:

todo2

Algemeene ideen

generalEerst de tekening met de zaal en de ramen of verschillende ruimtes in de ruimte.

Daarna een idee met dozen net als ze gevallen hebben.

De derde is een mix van de twee, de boxen maarin een muur, sommige virtuel (geprojecteerd) andere echt, ook als ze gevallen hebben. In elke hoek of doos of kleine ruimte een van de “balance experience”.

1. De eesterste 2 fotos heb ik in een idee versammeld: regenboog en geluk. De regenboog was meer over kleuren en hoe kleuren mij gelukkig maken, en ik heb de associatie met en mobiele gemmaakt (niet de telephone maar die voor kinderen) iets met zijn egen bewegen en evenwicht en kleuren natuurlijk!

colourshappiness

2. De brielen, dit gaat over delen en missen, afweizigheid en aanweizigheid

envyabsense

3. Over vergelijking met mijn nicht. Hoe hoger jij bent, hoe beter? hoe hoger de daling, hoe echter de val.

comparisson

4. Over familie groep, Het is fijn om in een groep te zijn, maar het kan ook moeiliker zijn om te bewegen! Dan krijg je een goal als je niet snel kan bewegen.familytightness

5. Sommige dingen kan je veranderen…. andere niet.hairissue

6.  Je kan je self een beetje beschermen van de buiten condities…seasonssoul

December 22 2008, Summary from September till December

Photos, Memories, Life.

Remaking – solving, rereading – rewritting.

Essential photos of my life – Reconstruction of these photos
1.    Around 1 ½ years old
Bending over my self, looking through my legs. A pamper and swimming suit on. I just remember this swimming suit because of the colors, it’s actually not a complete rainbow but that’s how it stayed in my head, maybe from the dress, maybe from this picture, maybe from other pictures with it, but this is the image I have in my head, the rainbow colors.
By remaking the picture I came to the fact that the important thing about the picture was the color so try outs with the pamper and position where not as strong.
By working with the rainbow I noticed why it was so stuck in my head, it is because it brings me happiness. I am just thinking now maybe it has to do with Latin America’s colorfulness… but I have to be careful about it, it has to be in small doses otherwise I get oversaturated, white or black are important to equilibrate!
Possible key word: background, uitkomst (where I come from)

acrobacia

2.    Around 4 years old
My last Christmas in Mexico. I just remember I was very happy, I did a lot of “crazy” things that night like painting my face out of the blue and polishing my shoes with black polish, by remaking the photo I was glad to see my expression… my happiness expression now its actually very similar to that time, maybe even a bit more open… that does me good, to let go and relax… beer always helps!!!

maite

3.    Around 6 y/o
My brother and me sitting in the stairs of our living room with funny glasses on. This picture brings me a lot of emotions, my brother’s expression brings a lot of tenderness to me. The picture makes me laugh but it actually reminds me of something I don’t like of my self. I was so happy because I got the funnier glasses and my brother didn’t… he was so frustrated. He was the youngest so I did take advantange of that…  By remaking the picture it was nice to see how different things are now and luckily that this feeling of the first picture was only a moment because in general we have been very close and good to each other. He is such a beautiful human being!! And he teaches me so much, especially about being easy with life. He looks so sad in the first picture! In the new one he just makes me laugh like now a days! Since we live far away from each other we had to make the picture in layers, the third (right) is his layer.

gafas

4.    Around  6-7 y/o

Ballerinas with my cousin. This relationship with my cousin has become a big issue for me, lately I’ve been dealing better with it but it has to do with the envy and competition (what I don’t like from me-also in the pict with my brother). With my brother it was never really an issue, but with this cousin it was. I have the feeling all the frustration and comparison she suffered when we were kids is now turning back to me, this just means that I am not completely satisfied with were I am now I guess… I don’t want to envy her or anybody and I keep avoiding to compare myself with people but it is actually one of human’s weakness… as I said things are going better now with this feelings, I am able to be happy for her and enjoy her achievements…  what I miss is to be happy with mines!

ballet

5.    Around 7 y/o
Father, brothers and sister (half-brother and half sister) a Sunday in the countryside! Here is where the struggling with my hair began. At that age became obvious that my hair wouldn’t fall like the average girl’s around me did, my mother and family did what they could but as I see it now it was a denying of what my hair is, since I was 7 till I was 19 or even 20. But this picture is about something else also, is about the only time my half-sister and brother came to visit us in Colombia, after that I didn’t see them for like 20 years, my sister and 8 years my brother. By remaking it I just noticed what a striking moment this should have been, specially for my father and half-sister and brother, my little brother and me were to small to get it I think, but now that I am more conscious about human relations I can imagine there would be some tension even when it looks like such a nice “happy” moment… that is what I felt last year when I saw them after so much time… maybe I am just making it too dramatic! Anyway is nice to add that even with this time and distance, tension etc, there is a lot of love between as, I could imagine that it could be different, full of odd feelings etc, but it is not, so I am very happy about that!

hermanos

6.    19 and 21 y/o
With my ex-boyfriend. This is another moment of my struggling with my hair, it is actually ending the period of denial and the starting of understanding and being happy with my hair, it is still in process because even though I know now how I want my hair the hair dressers keep on screwing it up!
There is also another issue here off course, my relationship with Nico, 10 years ago it started, 2 months ago it ended… still painful, still incomprehensible. SO many years, so much love and it still didn’t work, In the remaking I see myself older, thicker and less alive… oh shit!!! Hahaha… breath-in breath-out no panicking!!!!!!

pelo1

pelo2

7.    26 y/o 2 and half years ago
sleeping in the beach… I was sick and weak, not so good with my self. Now I am not so good with my self but luckily not sick and I could say… less weak…                  Color, sun, different atmosphere (attitude?) make things look different.

duerme

Hope, future, patience?
Is this a Self-portrait???
What can say about my self???
Nostalgic, changes take time, things fall heavy on me.
key people: brother, cousin, half brother and sister. (mother and father???) myself.
What I want: change, let go, relax, sunnier surroundings, colors, no envy, no competition, longer hair, happiness, being easy with life, easy going with relationships.
Achieving things takes time, how to get closer to them?

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